Craving and jealousy
Are colours of life
Some attest.
Not when it catches you
In its tentacles
Tight as tight can be.
Enslavement it will be
Permanence it maybe
Unhappiness a surety.
What colours of life?
More a darkness
A bottomless hole.
Awareness a need
Diminishing darkness
Eliminating a goal.
Thwarting negativity
Nurturing compassion
Happiness unfolds!
A reaction to an article on Matthieu Ricard.
A rope bridge it is
Fragile and scary
Winding and falling
Up and down, down and up
Left to right, right to left
That, my beloved, is life’s journey.
The unknown, the known
The challenges, the panaceas
The ugly, the beautiful
A straight road at times
Twists and turns to follow
That, my beloved, is life’s journey.
Beauty and blood
Work hand in hand
Both will grow
The strength of man
See the reds on the sides
The railings as guides
Wooden planks that might
Cushion the stride
Making it a worthwhile ride
That, my beloved, is life’s journey.
There’s a beginning
With an end in sight
Venture forth you must
Embrace the colours, the nuances
Help it begin before it ends
That, my beloved, is life’s journey
.
I used to think that my purpose in life was to get a degree to make my parents happy. It was stressful I agree, but I didn’t want to disappoint in any degree.
No I am not the first born, I am but the middle child and that purpose drove me on. Then comes the convocation.
Realised, I did, that a happy convocation was not the end all. It was the beginning of my real purpose, in life. Getting a job to have the monies, to help my mum see my siblings through college. That was my mum’s purpose in life and I have to support it. I plodded on.
I found a job, and happily told mum that I would give her half my salary. I was smiling, I was grinning. The feeling was great. I caught the glint in mum’s eye, it made me happy.
Fast forward, I learned that the printed number in the employment letter is different from the actual number on my pay cheque! 😃 Oops! An overcommitment it was but remembering mum’s happiness, I stood by my purpose. I plodded on.
The monies were given without a break, without judgement, without restriction on its use. I reasoned then that it is like mum’s stipend, to do as she pleased, releasing me from the checks and balances, and unnecessary stresses due to my dictates.
The regularity was of utmost importance. I asked myself, “What if there was no money coming in? Where would mum find her next bread so to speak?” That made me resolute in my purpose; gave me the staying power. I plodded on. No breaks in between jobs. No excuses. I was fully committed to my purpose in life.
Yes, like many others in this world, there were times I wanted to give up, there were times I wanted to close the door to the world, and there were times I prayed that it was the end of the world. But that would shatter my purpose in life. Resilient I have to be, springing back to face the world. Getting stronger, albeit in little steps, at times. What does it matter?
Small am I, small steps it will be. It called to mind at times, in my whimsical mind, the fight of David and Goliath. 😉 I can do it, I must do it, this purpose in life. Idealistic I may be, but vision I must have to keep my purpose happy.
Steadfast in my purpose, passion grew. In a job that was not my first love, but one I can do well. In another job that was also not my love, and I can still excel. A blessing indeed, a blessing of commitment that fueled my passion.
Then comes the new family. Purpose derailed? Passion extinguished? A resounding, No! Adjustments need to be made, with sacrifices a plenty. Will I suffer? Will I be shortchanged? What does it matter? Unfettered by the lure of the media, I can only be better.
Thank you mum for my purpose in life. For the blessings of passion, the blessings of resilience, and the blessings of compassion. I am still learning, I am still growing and I will never forget your help with my purpose in life.
When I returned home, my dear mum was diagnosed with a catastrophic illness. The road leading to her first treatment, 31 May 2016, was filled with fireworks that left me blanked out today …
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. Feelings are what I have aplenty seemingly to make up for my blanked-out day.
My mum is going for her treatment, the very first of the many that will be. There is no guarantee, but there is a chance. A chance, we will take, for her to be free.
The three weeks leading to this day was steep and rocky. There are eight of us and standing together is the key. But sadly it was not to be.
For all the wealth that some may have, one considered it his duty to dictate the treatment key. Equal share of monies said he, that is how I see love to be. Circumstances he ignored, respect was his key.
It saddens me to see, how unreasonable he can be. Respect is not forced, earned it has to be, and that is the key. Siblings love is there if only he can see.
That aside, mum is the one who matters. Keeping our spirits up, staying together to help each other. Helping mum better when we are stronger, together.
Put aside your grievances, put aside your need for respect. Refocus your energies, recalibrate your thoughts. Blank your mind if need be. Positive it must be.
We care not our grief, caring only for our mother. Come one, come all, big and small. What does it matter. Do what needs to be done, in action and in deed. That is all that matters.
Judgement is not for us to pass, conscience is the key. Put to rest whatever troubles thee. Each of us have battles to fight, tears to dry, that some may not see.
Words can hurt, words can kill. Reflect, ponder before the ink is free. Be a master of the pen you wield. See the dried tears, feel the unspoken words, and the sadness it builds.
I know now what to think. I know now what to say. No longer blanking out the pain that stays. Concern we all have for the sibling gone astray. Come back, come to the fold, of sibling’s love untold. 💞💕💜
MuseFaery 